(un)Healthy Relationship
by phayte1978
Summary: JJ and Yuri seek 'Couples Therapy'... it all goes... well... ((insert story here))


His neck was at the wrong angle, and his back bent funny. Gasping, Yuri clutched to JJ- neither giving one fuck they were in a parking deck in JJ's car.

"Harder!" Yuri gasped, then screaming when JJ re-angled his hips, slamming into him hard- his hands on Yuri's waist, fingers digging into his flesh. Yuri wanted to throw his head back screaming- but the cramped confines of the car was not allowing it. "You need a bigger fucking car!" Yuri growled.

"Anything, kitten," JJ breathed, pulling Yuri's mouth to his.

Immediately, Yuri had his tongue deep in JJ's mouth, his jaw as wide as he could get it. It seemed the deeper JJ thrusted into him, the deeper Yuri wanted to kiss him. Gripping JJ's shirt, threatening the threads to rip, Yuri growled and slammed his ass back down hard on JJ. Breaking from the kiss, Yuri about screamed, his head resting on JJ's shoulder as JJ squeezed his ass cheeks.

"Fuck… I'm so close," Yuri moaned, moving his hand between their bodies, moving his ass faster so he was practically bouncing.

Low rumbles and moans coming from JJ- chants of how perfect Yuri was, how beautiful Yuri was- and how much he loved Yuri fell from his mouth. Yuri choose to ignore all these blissful moans and screamed 'harder', 'deeper', 'fuck'- over and over.

"Don't you fucking cum in me," Yuri growled, biting at JJ's neck, making JJ hiss out.

"Hard for me to pull out when you are slamming down on my dick!" JJ replied.

"Ah! Fuck you!" Yuri growled, his mouth covering JJ's again, and a hand in his hair pulling.

Even in a small car, their fucking was animalistic. Yuri growled as JJ grunted and chanted Yuri's name. The steamier the windows the got, the more the car rocked and the closer they both were. People walking by outside in the parking deck, would stare at the car- see the steam on the windows with a handprint pressed against it- the screaming and the rocking- it was clear what was going on.

They just didn't fucking care.

All Yuri cared about was the cock in his ass, and the pleasure it was bringing him.

He hated to admit how just damn much he was addicted to this asshole's body- but then he would have to explain why these last few months he has needed very little to no prep before they started fucking. He just wished he could keep the fucker from opening his mouth and talking.

The closer he got, the wilder he got- he wished they were back home where he could bend his body more freely, have better access to JJ's body. Fucking in a car was not one of his favorite things to do.

It _was_ technically his fault. He decided to tease JJ on their way here- hand on his thigh, soon to have his cock pulled out when they got to the interstate, stroking him and edging him. When they made it into the city, Yuri was face down in JJ's lap as JJ pulled the car into the parking deck. It was only a moment or two before they were in the backseat, and Yuri's ass bouncing on top of him.

A scream loud enough to startled a woman and her friend as they walked by the car- causing the two to take off in a run out of the parking deck.

* * *

Making their way to the building downtown, Yuri wished he could wipe that overly satisfied look off JJ's face. It was bad enough after JJ came that he flashed those fucking 'JJ' fingers at him.

"Fix your fucking face," Yuri hissed as he hit the button to the elevator.

"Kitten, you know it takes an hour for JJ's face to stop smiling," JJ said.

Groaning, Yuri stepped into the elevator and waited for JJ to join him. Pushing the button to the 20th floor, he noticed JJ staring at him funny.

"What?" he asked.

"I think your shirt is inside out," JJ said.

Looking down, sure enough it was. "Fuck!" Yuri hissed, pulling the shirt over his head and turning it back the right way and pulling back over him. Once he had the shirt straightened out- he felt himself being pressed against the elevator wall.

"Kitten," JJ breathed, his mouth covering his.

His leg wrapped around JJ's waist, though his cock was fully spent- he felt his body warming up. Their tongues twirling, while JJ pressed tight against him.

Only the fucking dinging of the elevator making it all stop.

Growling, Yuri grabbed JJ's hand and pulled him down the hallway. It was all this idiot's fault they were there in the first place!

Coming to the door of the suite- Yuri noticed a nice sitting room with magazines and soft music playing. No one else was in there, so he took a seat and pulled JJ next to him.

"I still say we are wasting our time, babe," JJ said, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

The door on the other side of the room opened, a man smiling at them - "Ah! Mr. Plisetsky and Mr. Leroy! Perfect timing! Come in!"

A deep sigh, and Yuri stood- following where they were being led. He had to blame all of this on the asshole smiling next to him. As much as (hated to admit) he loved him- he also wanted to kill him.

"So my name is Mr. Nikiforov, and I will be listening today," he said, smiling at them both and holding a pad of paper tight to his chest.

Yuri had found the best damn therapist in town for them. Nodding his head, he sat and gestured for JJ to sit next to him as well.

"So, Mr. Plisetsky-"

"-Call me Yuri."

A smile and Mr. Nikiforov smiled. "Yuri! Same name as my husband!"

"Well aint that some shit," Yuri mumbled.

"Kitten," JJ whispered in a low warning tone.

"Fuck off," Yuri hissed.

A clearing of Mr. Nikiforov's throat and they both stopped.

"So, Yuri- what brings you two in here today? I know we talked on the phone, but I'd like to hear with you both present."

Still holding JJ's hand, Yuri squeezed it. "I don't want to kill him."

"Him?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

Nodding his head in JJ's direction, Yuri said, "Yeah, this asshole here."

JJ rolled his eyes and relaxed more on the couch. "JJ has no idea what he means," JJ said, looking almost like a sad puppy that had been kicked.

"See! That! Right there!" Yuri exclaimed. "Who talks about themselves in third person?"

Sticking out his lower lip, JJ pouted.

"I just don't want to be the headlining news for strangling him or some shit," Yuri muttered.

"So then why are you two together if you want to kill him?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

"He has a big dick," Yuri bluntly said- which made JJ smirk over at Mr. Nikiforov. Yuri was sure if JJ's head swelled anymore, he would be whipping his cock out to show him.

"Ok, so this is more a… sexual thing then?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

"Da, but like…" Yuri stated and looked over at JJ. "We have been dating for about a year or so… but due to our schedules, we didn't see each other much."

"Makes sense… You said you two were..." Mr. Nikiforov flipped through his notes, "Ah! Figure skaters! Oh how exciting!"

Nodding his head, Yuri continued. "Yeah, so when the season was over, we figured it was easier to live together."

"But that is not going well?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

"Fuck no it isn't!" Yuri exclaimed. "If we aren't fucking, we are fighting!"

JJ could only nod- it was the damn truth. They both knew it. Last week was the final blow when they both realized they were out of dishes in the kitchen from Yuri throwing them. They both had their heads hanging in shame as they went to the store to buy paper plates- at least til they figure this shit out.

"Ok." Mr. Nikiforov said, grabbing his pen and clicking it. "And how long have you two known each other?"

"He has been scamming my ass for four years," Yuri grumbled. "Fucking pervert."

"Your ass was impressive in those spandex," JJ mumbled, leaning over to kiss Yuri's cheek.

"I'm a figure skater!" Yuri exclaimed. "Of course my ass is impressive!"

"Oh, JJ loves it when you wear spandex," JJ said, continuing to make the kissy face at Yuri, while Yuri was kicking and his hand pressed against his cheek to keep those lips off him.

"See! This shit!" Yuri pointed out. "He does that stupid kissy face! I swear the other morning…" Yuri took a deep breath and elbowed JJ hard. "He was snoring so fucking loud… I found myself wanting to smother him! That's why you woke up last week with a pillow on your face!"

"Kitten!" JJ exclaimed.

"Well it is true! Why do you have to snore so fucking loud?" Yuri screamed.

"Oh! And you _don't_ snore!?" JJ asked.

"I don't know!" Yuri yelled back.

"Well Princess," JJ's voice growing louder. "Newsflash! YOU DO!"

"MEN!" Mr. Nikiforov yelled- gaining both of their attentions.

Yuri and JJ jumped, then realized they were having it out in the therapist office. Taking a deep breath, Yuri crossed his arms and sat back against the couch, scooting as far as he could from JJ before he tried to kill him- again.

"Ok… let's bring this all back," Mr. Nikiforov said.

"I don't snore," Yuri grumbled.

It was that moment that JJ pulled out his phone and played a recording. Yuri had no idea what it was- but it sounded like a freight train going through a wood chipper… that was also dying a very strangled death.

"What the fuck is that?" Yuri asked.

"You snoring," JJ said with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Yuri screamed, jumping over where JJ was, his hands finding their way around his throat.

"GUYS!" Mr. Nikiforov yelled.

Both Yuri and JJ stopped and glared over at Mr. Nikiforov. Yuri was only growing angier by the minute in there.

HOW DARE JJ!

A low growl forming in his throat and he bared his teeth over to JJ- who only winked at him and flashed those fucking 'JJ Style' fingers at him. He was ready to strangle him.

"Can we try not to fight… and _talk_?" Mr. Nikiforov asked, then getting up and moving to his desk. Going through his drawers for a moment, then he came back, handing each of them a stress ball. "Squeeze this when the urge to yell comes."

Yuri was already squeezing his. JJ was tossing his in the air and catching it.

A deep breath and Yuri tried to calm his racing heart. He had no idea what it was. JJ infuriated the fuck out of him- ALL DAY LONG!

"Still mad about my shoe," JJ mumbled.

"Fuck!" Yuri said, throwing the stress ball, then digging his fingernails into his pants. "I told you it was a fucking accident!"

"Shoe?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

"He spilled pudding in my favorites shoes… and I know he hates those shoes…" JJ said, side-eyeing Yuri.

"I fell asleep and the pudding fell out of my hand!" Yuri exclaimed.

"My shoes where across the room," JJ said- almost too calmly.

"Well they are ugly," Yuri pouted, crossing his arms.

"Just admit you put pudding in my shoes and I'll be over it," JJ said.

Turning his head, Yuri stuck out his bottom lip. He would admit to nothing. And yes, he did intentionally put pudding in JJ's shoes. They were hideous and he always insisted on wearing them... Everywhere.

"Yuri?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

Yuri continued to ignore them both. Reaching in his pocket, he got out his phone and decided he would scroll Twitter for bit.

"Well since Yuri has decided to stop talking…" Mr. Nikiforov continued, "Why don't you tell me some things then."

JJ shrugged and stopped throwing the ball. Yuri smirked to himself - he knew that asshole was head over heels in love with him. Most of this was JJ's fault anyway.

"Well… JJ has had the biggest crush on him forever," JJ said, looking over at Yuri, placing a hand on his knee and squeezing. "But he is a slob."

"Excuse me?" Yuri growled.

"Yuri, please. Let him speak," Mr. Nikiforov said.

Grunting, Yuri pretended to ignore them.

"Continue," Mr. Nikiforov said.

"Well… He leaves his clothes all over the flat, he eats in the bed and makes a mess!" JJ exclaimed. "I do all the cooking… then cleaning… even running the errands!"

"But you like doing things for Yuri?" Mr. Nikiforov asked.

"Absolutely! JJ loves to see his kitten happy!" JJ said, with that all to dumb smile on hise face.

"But…" Mr. Nikiforov added.

"I wish I was more appreciated," JJ mumbled.

"Needy fucker!" Yuri growled.

"Yuri!" Mr. Nikiforov exclaimed. "Your partner is being honest with his feelings and it is best for you to accept them."

"Oh I do!" Yuri said, setting his phone done. "He gets blow jobs every day and I ride his dick more than he can handle!"

JJ nodded and smiled. "This is true."

A big sigh and Mr. Nikiforov shook his head. "Outside of sexual activities, Yuri."

It took a moment and Yuri got to thinking. Tilting his head to the side- he couldn't think of anything.

"I mean… this all started as sex," Yuri said.

"Oh?" Mr, Nikiforov asked. "You were not friends before?"

"Fuck no!" Yuri yelled. "This pervert had been sending me dick pics for the last three years… one night was drunk enough to send him my room number."

JJ grinned. "I knew you couldn't resist a good dick pic."

"Fucking pervert," Yuri growled.

"You love the JJ Style!" JJ said, flashing those fucking fingers again.

"Fuck your JJ Style!" Yuri screamed, trying to scratch his eyes out.

Somehow, Mr. Nikiforov was able to easily pick Yuri up off of JJ and sit him in a chair away from JJ. Yuri was steaming. He wanted to set that asshole on fire!

"Yuri… I need you to calm down," Mr. Nikiforov stated.

"Fine," Yuri said, glaring over where that pompous asshole was sitting.

It took a few minutes, all of them adjusting themselves and Mr. Nikiforov writing in his notepad. Yuri just listen to the way the pen scratched on the paper, his eyes still shooting daggers at JJ.

"Ok, then," Mr. Nikiforov said, "JJ, was there anything else?"

"Well… there's this _one_ thing that _really_ bothers me," JJ whispered.

"Oh?"

Yuri sat up taller- thinking back to what the hell he could have done. Trying as hard as he could, he was could think of nothing.

"He openly flirts with my brother," JJ said, staring right at him.

"Your brother is hot!" Yuri exclaimed.

"He is my BROTHER!" JJ yelled.

"Maybe I want a Leroy Sandwich!"

"GENTLEMEN!" Mr. Nikiforov yelled.

"It is like you don't even trust me!" Yuri huffed.

"What does trust have to do with flirting with _my brother?_ " JJ asked.

"Do you trust me?" Yuri asked.

"Not around my brother," JJ stated.

Yuri growled and was ready to launch at him again, but Mr. Nikfiorov's phone started to ring.

"Guys… I have to take this… please don't kill each other," Mr. Nikiforov said, standing to leave the room.

They both sat there, staring where the therapist just had left.

"Can you believe that old man?" Yuri asked. "I bet he has some overweight pig for a husband!"

JJ laughed. "Probably some frumpy house husband who cooks dinner every night and stays in his pajama all day long.

Yuri stood up, lifting his shirt, showing off his lean, thin body. "Bet he doesn't look good as this."

Reaching out, JJ took Yuri by the waist, pulling him into his lap. It made Yuri giggle for a moment, then his mouth was pressed to JJ's. Let that old man have his stupid husband- he had one of the hottest figure skaters. JJ was chiseled and fit.

"Bet that was his husband calling," Yuri said between kisses, working his shirt off and JJ's. "I bet he called whining that his favorite talk show is a rerun."

JJ laughed. "I bet they never even fuck."

"I'm pretty damn sure of it! Did you see how uptight he was?" Yuri asked, tugging at JJ's belt, hands already down his pants- fingers wrapping around JJ.

* * *

"Ah! Yuuri! Hello!" Victor said. It never mattered what was going on, when his husband called, he answered.

"Did you really need to send me flowers… again?" Yuuri laughed out.

"Oh you should expect more after this appointment," Victor laughed. It seemed when ever he saw disaster couples, it always reminded him how good his husband was. He sent Yuuri a dozen bouquets of flowers a week- as a reminder.

"Vitya! Are you in a session now?" Yuuri exclaimed.

"Of course! And this couple is a disaster… I mean… I know I'm a couples therapist… but they might be better off separate!" Victor said. Taking a deep breath, he had no idea how to make those two work together.

"Vitya… you always manage to make it work," Yuuri said.

"I love you," Victor said before hanging up.

Walking back to the room, Victor heard growling and cursing. Opening the door, Yuri was naked… on JJ's lap screaming how much he ' _fucking hated JJ'_ and JJ confessing his love. Blinking, he slowly backed out the room, closing the door.

He was charging them double.


End file.
